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Forum
Started Dec 10 2012, 21:24
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Dec 10 2012, 21:24
I am in the process of getting a divorce. We have 2 children aged 1 & 3. I have been paying 90% of the bills including mortgage for many years as my husband has been focused on running his own business. I tried to offer support to making his business profit worthy (he was not interested) and then asked him to consider getting work for a couple of shifts a week (anything to bring in something to contribute towards the household) but he refused. He would have been well able and qualified to take on a number of part time positions and our friend even offered some shifts where she works. His attitude (which has contributed towards our divorce) is one of we are married so therefore he does not feel he has to take responsibility for things. He has however, up until last week cared for our children 2 & 1/2 days a week (he has only ever had them alone for 2 nights as I have always been up in the night and morning with them). I have paid for nursery for 1 day/week and cared for them 3 & 1/2 days a week myself.
I understand it is likely that a good deal for me would be half the equity in our property (approx. £55,000). However, I am waiting to hear the value of his business and the cash settlement of my pension. He also has vehicles worth approx. £40,000 to consider. Today he suggested he might 'donate' these to a museum and it wouldn't surprise me if he did attempt something like this to get a better deal for himself. In the future I would like to move 20 miles away to be near my Dad who will be able to help out with occasional childcare. This is also nearer my workplace which means I will be able to do most of my hours within school time once they are both attending school. However, it will be a struggle to find a property with 50% of the equity, even if I extend the terms of our mortgage to the most I will be able to afford on my salary.
I have had increasing concerns about his ability to look after the children and began keep ing a log of times where they seemed unsettled after being with him and the house being a total mess after he has been with them. Could be nothing, but there was enough for me to feel I should keep a diary log incase. Last week his GP (who he began seeing 2 months ago for depression) rang me to say she had concerns about him and felt he should not be caring for our children. MAinly because he was so tired and she also was concerned he appeared to have deluded ideas. She said she felt our children were well but in her view this was because I have been doing the majority of looking after them. She has referred to mental health services but he has yet to hear from them. He does however, have appeared able to continue to focus well on doing things that are in his own interest. E.g. fixing his car, driving friends around and pursuing his hobbies. Obviously the children are my priority and after speaking to him (I framed the GPs concerns around him being tired to avoid confrontation) he quickly agreed that he didn;t have the time to care for them this month. I have had to race around sorting out alternative childcare and taking some leave from work to ensure they are being looked after. He has not seemed interested in where they are or even asked much about how they are. He has seem them for 2 brief intervals over the past week.
Today I mentioned that I was not sure I would be able to afford a property to house myself and the children with 50% of the equity. His response was to say that he needed to house the children too. He had no particular plans about how or when they might stay with him and I am concerned that he is only saying this to ensure he gets a maximum percentage of any property split, rather than because he is really interested in them staying with him. He has chosen to move into a caravan and a temporary building on a friends land in the middle of nowhere and seems to see this as being a long term option. I obviously also would have concerns about the children staying in such accomodation, though accept they will visit if he chooses to stay there. I am not sure he will actually cope with having them over night and would welcome any advice about this issue and things I should be thinking about.
A further point. Being now faced with possibly additional childcare costs I am going to struggle to pay the bills and mortgage if he continues to be unable to care for the children 2 & 1/2 days a week. Am I able to force him to contribute towards costs (he tells me he has no money but seems able to buy takeaways) or force him to sell the house (he has 'sat' on the estate agent contract for over 4 weeks now.
I need to obviously need to cover most bills but the telephone bill is in his name. If I stop the direct debit I have been paying and ask them to send a bill to him would I potentially be held responsible for any debt accrued. I can do without the telephone but the rest of the bills are pretty essential.
Many thanks for any advice.
Contract ID#12466723
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